You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
