I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
