You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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