i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
