when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
