I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What a dumb baby whore.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
