God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I faked an abortion last night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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