I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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