I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
