walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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