tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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