I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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