one two three fourrrrnication!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
