I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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