why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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