Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
