You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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