His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
