3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
