Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
