is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
