guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
