So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
