Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
should my penis look like a turkey
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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