I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
