textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
