Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
