so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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