Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
