It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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