I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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