she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
