he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
