I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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