No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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