i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
