so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
