I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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