$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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