Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
