I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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