Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
