Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
