I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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