it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
