So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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