You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
