I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
