I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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