im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
