sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
People in love make me want to vomit
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
