Porn is love you can see.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
