I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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