my mouth tastes like poor choices
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
