I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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