i just wanna soil my oats bro
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
