i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
