One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
