then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
