yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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