I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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