so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
