dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize