talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
