He disabled his match.com account in front of me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
MIDGETS
????
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
