gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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