The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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