she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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