ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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