I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we made out on top of his cat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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