I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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