the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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