Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
