I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
